Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Queen + Paul Rodgers - The Cosmos Rocks

1/10

Queen : Queen + Paul Rodgers :: '60s Beach Boys : 80's-present Beach Boys

May, Taylor and Rodgers have dragged Queen's legacy through the mud, much like Mike Love did the same to the Beach Boys. Hell, even the lyrics are just as painful as Love's pandering to teenagers:

"Across seven seas through the Panama,
Now they're rockin' on beaches and they're rockin' in bars
Don't ask me how and don't ask me why
From Miami Beach down to old Bondi
There's a rock 'n' roll fever in every place
Next thing you know they'll be rockin' out in space"

"Music makes the world go round
I've been flyin' on the wings of the sound
It feels so good from way up here
I'm still a believer
Headin' for the stars"

"In an instant the mysteries of life will unfold
The myths and the dragons of time will explode"

"I believe there's just once chance in this world to hear our brothers
You believe there's a better way to listen to each other
We don't get what the other guy is saying
We hear the words but we don't understand
So around the world the same old anger raging
And we all cry for shame and the same old tragedy goes down"

Okay, I've tortured you enough, I'll stop now. Sure, the lyrics on regular Queen albums weren't always great, but they were never this banal.

Or maybe the better analogy is to Kiss' Psycho Circus, which, despite the fact that it was promoted as the return of the original lineup, featured only marginally more contributions from Ace Frehley and Peter Criss than Freddie Mercury's contribution to this album. Calling this "Queen" is just crass commercialism; I take this album's claim to being by Queen about as seriously as Bill Wyman takes age-of-consent laws. Everything is completely generic; aside from a few bits where May's distinct guitar tone is evident, it sounds nothing like Queen. It's just banal MOR/adult contemporary drivel imaginable that could've been played by anybody. Even "Hot Space II" would have been loads better than this. This isn't just terrible as a Queen album; it's a terrible album, period. This deserves to suffer the same fate as the Doors' post-Morrison albums: to be disowned and out-of-print forever. As it is, it'll be filling up bargain bins for years to come.

(I should note that I haven't actually heard the post-Morrison albums, and that they could be decent for all I know. It's just one of the best examples of albums being disowned by their creators that I could think of.)

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